having the “glow”

So if you don’t know Angela, you should. She’s inspirational and I’ve been lucky enough to talk with her a few times. I just wish she lived closer!

In her blog, she’s talked about finding her “glow” after years of disordered eating and also doing things in life because she thought she should, rather than for herself. You don’t how much all of this resounded in me.

I recently recovered from an eating disorder. After hitting rock bottom almost 4 years ago, it took me a little over 3 years to finally cut my ties of the disorder and get to my “happy weight” where I feel comfortable in my body and my body feels comfortable with letting me live freely. Live freely? Well when you starve yourself or binge and purge, your metabolism gets thrown for a loop. It doesn’t know when it’s next meal is going to be so it holds onto the food it has. Or if you binge and purge enough, your pancreas and brain stopping work in sync with either and pancreatitis can happen (trust me you don’t want this!) or even a heart attack from lack of vitamins. While millions of women suffer with this everyday, it’s not worth living your life for an eating disorder when you can live your life for yourself!

But eating disorders aren’t the only thing holding women back, in fact its at the bottom in my book. What’s truly holding us back? Holding our glow back from the world to see? Our self image and self worth! Until we demand our peers and men to see us as something valuable and wonderful, they won’t. Until we treat ourselves with respect, they won’t. Ever hear of that saying, “you have to love yourself before you love someone else”? If we don’t love ourselves than why should anyone else?

Now, I was at a group meeting the other night for my Entrepreneurship class. We have to write a business plan of a governmental database firm and were trying to get some of the pieces together. Towards the end of the meeting, we had hit a tangent and talked about out love for food.

CONFESSION: i LOVE sweets! I have a huge sweet tooth and making chocolate chip cookies is my specialty

Ok back to the story… so one of the guys turned to me and asked the question, “but you eat pretty healthy, right?” Well I was kind of taken aback because no one really has asked about my eating habits since I was sick, but I calmly said, “yes, I usually do.”  He replied saying that it showed on me. That I had a sort of “glow” that people have when they take care of themselves.

I was floored and basically had a smile glued to my face for a while after. Was this a compliment? Maybe not intentionally, but it meant the world to me. People could tell I took care of myself! I CAN do it. It may seem small, but when eating or making a meal was a hard thing to do years ago (at 20, 21, 22 years old!), be able to do that now, is so important to me.  That comment just solidified the importance of me getting on track this past year and leaving ALL behaviors on the curb.

Yes, I do still have bad days, but who doesn’t? I know how to cope with them- I talk to a friend or one of my parents (who I’m close to), I read a book, I go out and take pictures, I bake for my friends (and myself), I watch a movie. I put myself FIRST and what I NEED to be happy on those days.

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What makes you glow?

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